


I'm Helpless (But So Are You)

by DarlingAna



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Ghosts, Humanstuck, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-17 01:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1368964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlingAna/pseuds/DarlingAna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are ARADIA MEGDIO and you are staying at The UCU, The Unknown Conditions University. You can die for a few days then come back to life and talk to the undead. You find new friends that are interested in the story of why you are here. You decide to open up to a ghost you meet while roaming the grave yard. His name... was Sollux.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Helpless (But So Are You)

**Author's Note:**

> I try to update when i can. Be wary. This fic is going to get very very violent and sexual. Possible Spectrophilia and Necrophilia. So, be careful. I take notes whenever i get an idea for this fic. So, i'm sorry if some chapters are just drabbles. It's all i got. Well, thanks for reading! I hope these notes dont scare you away....

My parents were rushing me to the hospital as fast as they could in our red little van. I had a condition where they had to drop me off to a special hospital that was called UCU, Unknown Condition University. It was more like a hotel then a hospital according to my parents. But, by the way they were trying to get me there as soon as possible I could tell it wasn’t. It seemed more like a Happy Academy with a pleasing pamphlet but turns out to be hell on earth. I have an unknown condition that makes me die for a few days then wake up again, completely fine. While I’m dead, I dream about people i don’t know and when I’m alive _I can talk to the ghosts of them._

I saw a tall black cube building emerge from the foggy sky. I could already see myself being hooked up to a machine and being tested on in there. It looked like a mental hospital or a prison if you ask me. It was all solid white with one wide window at the very top floor. There were two buildings on either side of the main building and two parking lots for visitors of different buildings. Must be for heath reasons to space people out like that. Once I looked down I saw we were already pulled up at the door.

There was three nurses there to great me and show us around the campus. One had a wheel chair with a young boy about my age in it sleeping. She must have not been here to greet us. One nurse patted my back and strapped a plastic band onto my left wrist just like the boy in the wheel chair had. It must be for tracking us so we don’t run away. Crap. They’re treating us like sick kids! I don’t even need to be here! I’m fine!

The nurses pushed us inside and gave us a tour of the campus. It wasn’t really that bad. They had a game room where I saw too patients playing on the laptops that were set out for the kids staying at UCU. One girl had long dark blue hair and thick black framed glasses and the other had a grey beanie and red hair and every once and a while made a cat pun. The walls were white and there was many games like chess, connect four, and other bored games lined up against the walls and one bookshelf full of books I didn’t recognize. Good thing I brought some of my own books.

The next room was the eating room. It had white walls again. It seems the whole place had white walls and gray tile or carpets. It didn’t have a salad bar or anything but a few scattered tables here and there. There were other rooms but they didn’t seem that important. The last stop was when the nurse opened a door that said in bold letters on the window ,”UCU DORM” and it was a long hall with doors labeled with names.

When we walked down the hall and I took note of some of the names written on paper taped to the doors like G. MAKARA, E. AMPORA, S. CAPTOR and K. VANTAS. The hall was empty. Well, it was getting dark after all. The nurse stopped at a door that was labeled A. MEGIDO in bright fresh red letters. My door seemed newer then the others. It’s probably because the others were here longer and the housekeepers got lazy with them.

The nurse left so I can unpack my suitcase in peace. My room had white walls like the rest of this boring place. This place needed more bright colors. I slid off my shoes and curled up on the matrass with just a black sheet on it. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope this place isn’t as bad as it seems. Maybe, it’s just a special school for kids with unidentified issues they need to learn about then they’ll set me free.

I walked past the rooms looking down at the names. It was a few weeks after I had met him in the grave yards. Every lunch and breakfast we talked to each other. I had been hooked up to some machines a few days but it wasn’t really as bad as I thought. Sollux was right about the food getting worse and worse. The salads just get soggier and soggier. I remembered seeing Sollux’s name on one of these rooms. Then, I saw it. He had a dorm right next to mine. I sighed, slowly opening the door. It was empty but for the bed with a bee blanket hanging off of it. The room had a window that was wide open with yellow curtains pushed aside. It sure was cold in here. Then, I saw a backpack on the floor. I sat down on the floor and looked through it. Why did he still have a room if he was dead? A cold wind blew in from the window. Was it wind?

“Why are you in my dorm?” Sollux laughed flying over my shoulder.

“Why do you still have a dorm if you’re dead?” I whispered, zipping up the bag.

“I didn’t die that long ago, actually. They didn’t have time to clean this place out yet. So, I like to hang in here when I get bored of sleeping in my grave.” He said, pushing up his glasses.

The room did seem empty and haunted. The curtains were ripped and dusty and the bed seemed like nobody had slept in it for years. I crawled up on the bed in the corner of the room next to the window and laughed. Sollux flew over and lay next to me. I hummed and looked over at him.

“How the fuck can you even get out of this place?” I laughed.

“You don’t. But, I’m sure it’ll be fine. You already have a friend, after all.” He smirked looking over at me.

“You want to be friends?” I gasped. He laughed and shook his head.

“I want to be more than just friends, Aradia, you’re awesome. You can speak to the undead and dig up a past of someone you barely even know. Aradia, would you like to go out with me?”

I giggled and clapped my hands together nodding. “Yes! Yes, I would really love that!”

The door was still open, so everyone walking past the door thought I was talking to myself. The group of people who on the first day wanted to know why I was in the UCU walked past and raided the room. There were 10 of them. They all were very different from each other. Maybe they thought this was my room. They were looking for anything that has clues to what was wrong with me. But, Sollux pushed them all down and kicked them out and slammed the door. He whipped his hands on his pants and laughed.

“Fucking new kid spys.”

I started to hang out in Sollux’s room often. The group of people started calling me “tele girl” because I was the only one who saw Sollux. Now everyone thinks I have telekinetic powers or something. I read books I have gotten for myself. Most of them are about ghosts or outcasts of any kind. Sollux sometimes wants to sit back and listen to me read about these people who are different and mislead in life by horrible bullies and parents.

But, one day when I was walking to his room I heard him growling about something so I walked faster down the hall. By the time I got to his room I saw why he seemed so angry. The room had finally been taped off and cleared out. I laid my head against the door and closed my eyes. I tried not to get mad. Sollux and I were going to finally look through his old stuff to find more about him.

Two men were talking down the hallway carrying large boxes. Maybe his stuff was in there. I didn’t want to seem even crazier then I really was. Maybe someone will take this room. That would be really bad. Sol and I made a lot of good memories in here. But, I guess they’re long gone now.

Like all people who die, Sollux lost all memory of his old life but what was on his grave stone. We planned to look for clues of how he lived and what it was like for him before he died. My head seemed blurry and bleak. I opened the door and flopped onto the bed. Well, turns out they took that too and landed strait on the hard gray floor. Sollux laughed and tapped my shoulder.

I looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and wet like he was crying. He was curled up in the corner arms around his knees and weakly smiling at me. He looked broken and lost. He probably saw them tear up his room and laugh about how he died during a test on his brain. It must have been really hard on him. They tore down the poster. The poster I put up with bees and sheep all over it. I wanted to protect this room. But, I failed.

I sat up next to Sol and he laid his head on my chest. I cooed him and pet his head, stroking my fingers through this hair. He sniffed and began to weep again. I sat back against the wall and sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry I came too late to help.” I sighed and closed my eyes.

He shook his head and grabbed onto my shirt tightly. Damn, he could rip it if he wanted to.

“That’s not why I’m crying” he sobbed.

I was confused. Why else would he be crying? He lifted his head from my lap, tears in his eyes.

“They found a rope in the fan and a note.” He sobbed, looking into my eyes. “I didn’t die from testing. I _killed_  myself. I had a crush on you before. I killed myself because when you died I thought you  _died forever_. ”

**_( Trigger warning: If you are triggered by self hate, self harm, or suicide please skip this chapter. )_ **

**PAST SOLLUX POV CONTINUED**

**2 YEARS LATER:**

I tried to forget her but she always lingered on in my mind. Her curls and laughs always stuck in the dark corners. I shook a bottle of pills I had to take to decrease the pain in his head after I use my powers. I curled up on my new bed and sighed. I had gone to a special collage far away to help me clear my mind. But, I could barely go out. I could only go out to a dark poorly nurtured garden in the middle of a bunch of tombs out back behind the cafeteria. I had to clear my mind so I wrote everything down and sometimes burned pages of my drawing book in my tin trash can.

I hated it here. Why did I have to love her so damn much? I thought this school would make me feel better but now I feel like more of a freak then before. I hanged with a stupid red haired guy and tried to help him with computer hacking. I didn’t make many friends. Well, who would want to be friends with me? I’m a fool! I have so many issues and I make a fool of myself and everyone around me! Why did a girl as amazing as Aradia love me?

I was ready to not see her for a few days, maybe visit her with some flowers after school when she’s home sick. But, I wasn’t ready for her to die. I just met her. She was so nice to me. I held the pills tighter. I was such a mess. I pulled my jacket off. It was getting really hot. I was stressing out again. I held up my arm and looked at the thin clean cuts in my arm. Fuck. Why am I doing this to myself? I could have saved her. I could have just ignored her. I could have never looked into her big hazel eyes.

I slammed on my desk. I spun in the chair. I had to clear my mind. I opened a drawer where I kept my notebook. I opened it up and with shaken hands wrote:

_Dear nurses and/or class mates:_

_I cannot handle this place anymore. I want to be free._

_I want to exit this world and be with the one I love._

_I want to live on with her._

_I want to burn in the after life with my love,_

_You can’t stop me now._

-  _Sollux Captor_

I dropped the pen blinking out tears. Why did I have to lose her? I can live with her. I can still see her in the after life. I was sobbing looking over the notepad. I ripped out the paper, trying not to make a sound. I grabbed the rope Terezi, one of your classmates, gave you. It seemed useless when she gave it to you one day to “bring justice” but now you silently thanked her for it. You cleared your throat and looked up. A fan. It may fall on me, but, who cares. I’ll die either way.

You moved the chair from your desk over. My heart was pounding.  _I’ll see her again. I’ll see her cute dimples and stupid shorts and band shirts again. I’ll tell her how much I missed her._ I looked up and sighed. I sat on the chair, now positioned under the fan and lowered my head. I wiped your face with the back of my hand and looked up at the desk. I walked over and hid the note in the desk drawer. I stood looking down at the paper surrounded by three blades you got from my sharpeners. Funny how things can be used for something differently then how the makers thought it would be used.

I sided the drawer closed, wiping my face nervously again. I was going to see her again. I looked at the pills. Taking an overdose would be slower, I think. Doing it like this would be better. I was sick of being picked on and being tested on like a animal. I would have no worries in the afterlife. I wouldn’t have to do shit. I could just lay with her all day, forgetting the world and all the shitty people in my life.

I knocked everything off the desk in a heated rage, stomping over to the chair. I looked up at the fan and sighed. I stepped up slowly and tied the rope to the fan. It took me a bit to learn how to make the tie to put my head in, but, I did it without people walking in. I tugged on it to test hoe sturdy it was. I looked at the loop and stood silent. My hands were shaking, hands rope burned and sweating. I slowly wet my lips and looked over to the window, seeing my reflection in the glass.

I looked horrible. I felt horrible. I just wanted to get it over with but at the same time I wanted to just say my goodbyes. I closed my eyes and leaned foreword. “ _Goodbye world. I won’t miss you,”_  Was the last thing I said. I felt the chair slide from my feet as I leaned in. It was black and cold. I didn’t feel anything.

**PAST DR. SCRATCH POV:**

I rushed in. I heard the news from one of my nurses. I swung the door to see nurses around the room covering their mouths and crying. I shoved through to get to the middle of the student dorm. I looked up, shocked, to see one of my favorite patients hanging, lifeless and still. I shoved everyone out. Nobody had to know about this. People were supposed to be safe and happy here. I had to think of a cover story. Fast.

**PAST GHOST SOLLUX POV:**

I opened my eyes. I shook my head. What had happened? I flew out of my grave. I turned around and read what it said. Sollux, eh? My head hurt. It felt like there was not blood in it at all. Ugh. I looked up and saw an open window. Free room. I flew in and popped up a chair and pulled it up to the desk. Nobody was there. I shoved a rope above the fan. No idea why it was there. I needed a nap. I felt horrible. The room was a mess but it’ll do.

 


End file.
